The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her partner, yet she can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.
Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?
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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.
Nicole: I am a 41-year-old mother of three children. I am employed. I live in Canada. I enjoy spending time with my children. I enjoy doing many different things.
FME: Are you married?
We are not legally married, as it is against the law in Canada. We have talked about having just a commitment ceremony with just a few friends that do know.
FME: How would you describe your gender? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation…are you heterosexual, bisexual, what? Are you a monogamist, polyamorist, or...?
I am a female, who is a monogamist, heterosexual. But with this all coming to light, I would like to think that being in a Consang relationship, I believe this should be its own orientation.
FME: You currently live with...?
I am currently living with a roommate, but [my partner] and I are looking into moving in with each other in the near future.
FME: You are half-siblings in a romantic and sexual relationship?
Yes, we are half-siblings, in a romantic/sexual relationship.
FME: You were raised apart? How did you find each other?
We were raised apart. I never knew about him until our mother got the call from the adoption agency saying Craig was looking for her. I was 21 years old at this time.
FME: How did the sexual affection become a part of your relationship? When did you notice the attraction?
I was attracted to him right away. He and his then-wife had come to meet us. When I saw him at the airport, I was attracted to him, but didn’t say anything to anyone, not sure of knowing how to react to my feelings that were growing for him. This was a slow thing at first, but once we both figured out what was happening, it all happened very quickly.
FME: Can you describe your feelings during that process?
I wasn’t sure what to do with what I was feeling. I didn’t know how to react to them. He came to spend a month with us. As we got to know each other, I fell deeper for him. After a short time, we went out “on the town”. We went dancing, this is when we both realized what was happening to us. We danced together like we were dating. We walked into that club as siblings that night but walked out as something else.
FME: Before this, had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together? Had you heard of Genetic Sexual Attraction?
I had never heard of GSA before, until this past couple of years, but thinking back, I knew something was happening with us. I could explain why I felt the way I did, but without knowing there was a name for it. I could even describe the “ick-factor”, without using those terms, I could explain why I was feeling the way did towards him. I could explain that in my mind and heart that he was not a “brother” to me because we didn’t grow up together. It was like I was ahead of myself. I have had feelings for another family member when I was a teenager, even gotten pregnant, then was forced to have an abortion from my parents.
FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriend and boyfriend, what? Are you more like spouses or siblings-with-benefits or something else?
We have joked in the beginning that we were siblings-with-benefits, but now that we have found that there is a community of us, we have opened our hearts even more to each other, and have even noted that while we are shopping or running errands, we act like spouses. I have loved him for nearly twenty years, we have been “fully together” for two years. It’s been on and off, throughout, with a twelve-year silence within that.
FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural?
I find it natural, very enjoyable. I have never had issues on how it feels. He once asked me, “When did it start feeling right between us?” I told him that it never felt wrong, it has always felt right with me. I explained to him that since I don’t look at him as “brother,” it never felt wrong or gross, or however you would like to describe it. There was no “ick” factor involved.
FME: Is this relationships closed or are either of you open to new partners?
We are a closed relationship. At one point, we were dating others, to create a smokescreen on us. But our hearts wanted something different. We find ourselves back with each other. We can’t be without one another. We don’t feel right when we are apart. It’s not fair to the others, since we couldn’t give them all of us.
FME: Does anyone in your life know the full true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted?
We have just a few friends that know the true nature of our relationship. They found out by us telling them. They were not really surprised, as we act pretty much like couple. We are inseparable most times. They were happy for us and thankful for sharing with them. We have their support.
FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think GSA/consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?
The only disadvantage I don’t like is having to watch what we do in public, being careful of who is around us, making sure we don’t give ourselves away. As for some advantages, sure. There is the bond that we share. It has managed to last twenty years. My love for him has never left me, not even faded. I find we are so connected and enjoy each others company so much. Most days we don’t like being apart. We want to do everything together.
FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?
These types of relationships have gone on for thousands of years. My questions is what is so truly wrong with someone being happily in love with a relative? We are not hurting anyone. The ones who disprove of it are the ones doing the hurting. They are making it hard for the ones who just want to be happy and love. I would love for them to truly listen and try to understand where we are coming from with our feelings. I would love for them to do their research and find out how the mind works. To learn what the “ick factor” is and understand it. There are names and terms for all this stuff. It's not just made up. This stuff is real, and it is happening all over the world.
FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?
I think if we could get married, we would. We wouldn’t have anything big.
FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be with a sibling or other relative, especially one they weren’t raised with?
Follow your heart. If it tells you to be with them, go for it. There may be sacrifices to be made, but if it's worth it to you, then go for it. Life is too short to not be happy. I knew what I felt for him for almost twenty years, my heart never gave up on him. I tried to be in other relationships, but deep down my heart belonged to him, so I wasn’t fully happy. I fought for him, I kept telling him how I felt, how we should be. He was very hesitant to move forward with our relationship. Until he found that there was a community of people living out there, that are just like us, that we weren’t the only ones, that we were not freaks. That is what I was telling him, it is normal and OK. My advice would be to talk with them, let them know how you feel, and go from there. Do your research.
FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?
I would tell them to hear their family members out, without judgement. Listen to what they have to say. Let them explain their feelings to you. Be a shoulder for them. Do not shut them out, do not push them away because its gross and disgusting. Those gestures will harm their family member, they need support, they need the love of their family to get through. Its not easy and losing family members because they are “shameful” hurts a whole lot. I speak of this from experience. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. No matter how others feel. But we don’t need to judgemental on others.
FME: Any plans for the future?
We are working on being together and living together.
*****
Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. In many places in the world,including Canada, they can't even be open about their love without risking prosecution!
Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.
You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.
If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.
If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.
Thank you, Nicole, for doing this interview! We wish you both well in your consanguinamorous reunion GSA relationship,.
Lovers cannot be criminalized!
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