Finding Love With the One With You All Along

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her spouse, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including their country, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

WARNING: Mild sexuality. 

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your yourselves.

Julija: We are both 23, about 1.80 meters, blond, and have blue eyes, Both of us are native Finns, born and raised in Lapland. There we have a fairly wealthy household, our father is a board member of a successful company and our mother owns a law firm. That's why we lived in a very big house, in one of the suburbs. Meanwhile, my sister and I moved to a place in Central Finland and study at the local university. I study linguistics and German philology, Marija studies psychology.


FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally or ceremonially married?

No, we are both not legally married and have had no ceremonial wedding so far. This is probably due to our young age and the fact that our educational path is not yet complete.


FME: How would you describe your genders and sexual orientation?

We are both born women and feel the same way. We are both homosexual. As teenagers, we, but especially me, did have experiences with some boys and we both had our first time with boys, but even then, we realized that something was wrong with it. However, Marija had managed to spend a year in a relationship with a boy, even though it was terrible. I had several short relationships with guys.


FME: You currently live with...?

When we moved here, we moved into a rented apartment together. We do not have roommates or anything like that, only we both live in this apartment. When we did, we were already a couple for two years.


FME: You are identical twins in a romantic relationship?

Yes, we are identical twins, I am the younger one. I would call our relationship a classic romantic relationship that, of course, includes sex.


FME: What was your childhood like?

Although we come from a Protestant Christian household, our parents were far from being dogmatic and placed great value on classical humanist education. The household was very enlightened and open to different lifestyles and controversial ideas. That is why even in childhood, from about ten or eleven years of age, we started to talk about sex. At first, more distanced and more cautious, but then more open. 

Since we were 12 we started to have sexual feelings and to masturbate. I had my first time at 13, Marija had her first time at 14.

Only at the age of 15 did we realize that we are attracted to girls. Although there were already tendencies, but we became aware of this only at this age. We noticed that because the relationships with guys we had before did not satisfy us either emotionally or sexually. We also noticed that the girls in our class were amazingly attractive.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

The first time we became sexual was at the age of 13, when we started masturbating together. It started with us lying naked next to each other in bed, satisfying ourselves, watching porn on the Internet from time to time. This became more intense, so at some point we started to hold each other's hands and later we began to satisfy each other. This came quite spontaneously and is because we have had a close, sibling relationship since birth, so we thought that was appropriate.

It only became really romantic when we both turned 16. I had a considerable, emotional low and Marija had to comfort me more often therefore.  So one day it happened that I was lying in her arms and crying. I lamented that I was alone and one could only like me because of the money or my body. Marija then said, and I'll never forget it, that she does not know that feeling, because I'm there and I'm the only one she needs. I looked at her, surprised, and kissed her. That was also the first day we had real sex with each other.


FME: Can you describe your feelings during that event?

When Marija said the sentence and I looked at her, I saw her in a completely different light. She was suddenly beautiful and desirable, like Venus. This was no longer my sister, but the girl of my dreams, which I had long sought. She says when I kissed her, she did not know if she was surprised or if that was exactly what she wanted. The next day we did things pretty much as normal, but there was always a spark between us. As if reflexively, we started to hold hands while walking, kissed regularly, cuddled more often when we were lying on the sofa or in bed, and started flirting with each other.


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable?

As I said, I had a very close, but only sibling relationship with Marija, which had only a few extensions. I never thought that I could have such strong feelings for her as I had now.

About incest itself, I've never thought about it, it just never was an issue. I also have no feelings for any other family member, let alone having any sexual experiences with them.


FME: How do you describe the lovemaking now?

I have to say that is the best sex I have ever had. We are not afraid of each other and are open to try something new. Of course, we play a bit taboo on sex, but it has always felt natural and right.


FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, girlfriends, what?

As I said, I would call our relationship a classic-romantic relationship. We see ourselves as lovers and refer to each other as a girlfriend. But now and then I call her my sister, too. I'm not parting, she's my sister and my girlfriend, I'm not trying to do anything about it. I would even call her my soulmate because nothing in this world enriches my life more than her and the relationship with her.


FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out?

All our friends know. We told them relatively early and they accepted and accepted it well. From our family, only our parents know it, and only recently. We've been bothering to tell them for a long time, even though our outing as gay has gone pretty smoothly. But incest is another level. They always asked if we did not have any girlfriends, so it was difficult to answer that. It was about two weeks ago when we took this step and told our parents. Surprisingly, their faces were not shocked, but rather worried. We then discussed all sorts of things, because of the legal and social situation. However, when they realized that we were absolutely sure, they said that they always supported us and will continue to do so.

It was a wonderful day and we are all very happy with the situation. It was always hard when we were in our home city with them and we were not allowed to kiss or flirt too much so they would not be startled.


FME: What are advantages and disadvantages of a relationship like this?

Well, the downside to having a love affair with my twin sister is that you always recognize that we are related. We look too much alike to deny that. So, it happened, for example, that we had a picnic in the park and started to smooch. That people are smooching in public is not a problem in this country. However, we had to stop when we realized that people were looking at us weirdly. When we visited our parents, we always had to hold back from kissing or holding hands. It's very hard to have the love of your life with you and not be able to live it out.

Another disadvantage is that I do not know what would happen if we split up; if we could still live normally as sisters, or if even this relationship would be over.

An advantage of having a relationship between siblings is that you immediately know much about the other, and you do not have to first discuss your likes and dislikes. Of course, that's even stronger as twins. It's like holding together two tapes, one for the siblings and one for the lovers.

I therefore believe that if the social pressure did not exist, a love relationship between relatives would be much more stable than normal.


FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship?

I would tell them that I can not change that, but I definitely stand by my relationship. I decided to live that way, and they can't change that decision. It's disgusting to use the law to force people's own moral rules.


FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

Yes, we definitely would. It is one of our wishes for our life. For me, marriage is an important sign that lifelong love is what we want. It would be a third bond that would hold us together. We would even adopt a child if it did not get social pressure. We are also definitely sure that we will make a wedding ceremony as soon as we start working.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

Stand by your feelings and try to find out if they could be reciprocated. However, consider exactly who you are telling; not all people are understanding.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Be open, these people also have a hard time accepting themselves, and there are people who are already doing that. Let her love, it makes sense that these two have found each other.


FME: Any plans for the future?

After finishing our studies, we stay in this city and stay together. Our parents have already said that their house will be bequeathing to us, that would mean we could move back to Lapland someday. As already mentioned, we plan to have a ceremonial wedding, even though we probably will not find a priest for it. But the most important thing for us is to stay together. No matter what the law says, no matter what other people say.


FME: Anything else to add?

Yes, thanks for the opportunity of the interview. Thanks to my parents and my friends, who support me and my princess. I hope for all consanguinamorous couples that they will be happy with their love and receive as good supporters as we.

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Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, practically married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. They can't even be open about their love!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Julija for doing this interview! We wish you both well in your consanguinamorous relationship.