People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Even where their love is not criminalized, they can still face harassment, discrimination, and other forms or persecution. Fortunately, some consanguinamorists and some family members are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. This blog has also had a few interviews with family members of consanguinamorists, such as the one below.
The woman interviewed below shouldn't have hide the truth about her family.Her parents are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights?
Read the interview below and see for yourself what she has to say when she can speak freely in safety. The interview has been edited for clarity, as English is not her first language.
*****
FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.
Anonymous Daughter: I'm 19, living in a city in Russia, with my parents at the moment. I just finished my studies and I'm not working now.
FME: Your parents are brother and sister? Are they full siblings or half siblings?
Full siblings.
FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? When did you find out that your parents are siblings and/or that their relationship is considered taboo?
I think it was more or less a normal childhood, honestly. There wasn't sex discussed really, until my family told me some things about sex when I was ten. It was sort of a bit of my puberty talk, I guess. They told me about their relationship, and then I had to ask why it was a secret to me before, so I knew after that it is taboo to some.
FME: Were your parents raised together or did they spend much of their childhoods apart?
They were raised together.
FME: How is your health?
I don't have health troubles I'm aware of, so I assume I'm fine. I think it is more a myth that children like me will be unhealthy.
FME: What is your personal opinion of consanguinamory?
I don't see why it's thought of as bad so much. There is no harm in my family. And I'm sure other families are like ours.
FME: Have you personally been involved in consanguinamory?
I haven't, no.
FME: Do you you know if your parents have had sex with others outside of the family since they got together, that you know of?
I don't think they have; they are monogamous I think. I have a partner who knows the situation, but they had met my parents before we were together, so they knew and were OK with it, though not as seeing it as like normal, like I do. But they are getting used to it and supporting.
FME: Does anyone else in your life know the full, true nature of your parents' relationship?
My aunt, I think, was told when they were first together, she's been a supportive family member. We have taken some measures to not be obvious. We don't live where my parents grew up, my parents are not legally married but they wear rings, and my mother uses "Mrs." as her title. People are less suspicious if they think they are a "normal" married couple. I was home educated, too, so we weren't as around people who may think oddly and have the power to do something, like teachers.
FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of their relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is abuse and that nobody can truly consent to this?
These thoughts are hurting families like mine. My parents' relationship isn't affecting anyone but them, and they are happy with it. On the abuse front, no, my mother is not a victim. Neither am I. Neither is my father. There are abusers in life, but I don't know why people think all different families are abusive. Personally, I'm thinking that if you are so obsessed with abuse that you point fingers at happy relationships different to yours, maybe problems are with you?
FME: What would you say to someone who says siblings shouldn't be allowed to have children?
Well, most I hear say this think it is a health or abuse issue. Well, there are plenty like me who are healthy, just as there are people with non-related parents who are unhealthy. Nothing to do with it. As for abuse, our family is not abusive, not all related families are.
FME: Aside from lingering laws in some places, which I think are ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?
No, I see no reason.
FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be with a family member?
Do what makes you happy. It's not wrong. Your babies won't be deformed; these are social myths
Anonymous Daughter: I'm 19, living in a city in Russia, with my parents at the moment. I just finished my studies and I'm not working now.
FME: Your parents are brother and sister? Are they full siblings or half siblings?
Full siblings.
FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? When did you find out that your parents are siblings and/or that their relationship is considered taboo?
I think it was more or less a normal childhood, honestly. There wasn't sex discussed really, until my family told me some things about sex when I was ten. It was sort of a bit of my puberty talk, I guess. They told me about their relationship, and then I had to ask why it was a secret to me before, so I knew after that it is taboo to some.
FME: Were your parents raised together or did they spend much of their childhoods apart?
They were raised together.
FME: How is your health?
I don't have health troubles I'm aware of, so I assume I'm fine. I think it is more a myth that children like me will be unhealthy.
FME: What is your personal opinion of consanguinamory?
I don't see why it's thought of as bad so much. There is no harm in my family. And I'm sure other families are like ours.
FME: Have you personally been involved in consanguinamory?
I haven't, no.
FME: Do you you know if your parents have had sex with others outside of the family since they got together, that you know of?
I don't think they have; they are monogamous I think. I have a partner who knows the situation, but they had met my parents before we were together, so they knew and were OK with it, though not as seeing it as like normal, like I do. But they are getting used to it and supporting.
FME: Does anyone else in your life know the full, true nature of your parents' relationship?
My aunt, I think, was told when they were first together, she's been a supportive family member. We have taken some measures to not be obvious. We don't live where my parents grew up, my parents are not legally married but they wear rings, and my mother uses "Mrs." as her title. People are less suspicious if they think they are a "normal" married couple. I was home educated, too, so we weren't as around people who may think oddly and have the power to do something, like teachers.
FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of their relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is abuse and that nobody can truly consent to this?
These thoughts are hurting families like mine. My parents' relationship isn't affecting anyone but them, and they are happy with it. On the abuse front, no, my mother is not a victim. Neither am I. Neither is my father. There are abusers in life, but I don't know why people think all different families are abusive. Personally, I'm thinking that if you are so obsessed with abuse that you point fingers at happy relationships different to yours, maybe problems are with you?
FME: What would you say to someone who says siblings shouldn't be allowed to have children?
Well, most I hear say this think it is a health or abuse issue. Well, there are plenty like me who are healthy, just as there are people with non-related parents who are unhealthy. Nothing to do with it. As for abuse, our family is not abusive, not all related families are.
FME: Aside from lingering laws in some places, which I think are ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?
No, I see no reason.
FME: What advice do you have for someone who wants to be with a family member?
Do what makes you happy. It's not wrong. Your babies won't be deformed; these are social myths
*****
Clearly, she is a fine young lady and her parents are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, practically married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. They can't even be open about their love!
Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.
You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.
If you are in a relationship like her parents or you have parents or other family member who are, and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or being a child or other family member of people who are, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
If you are concerned about pregnancies between close relatives, read this. If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.
Thank you to Anonymous Daughter for doing this interview! We wish you and your parents well.
What a sweet woman :) What an angel, seriously. Her parents are lucky to have a person like her for a kid. Pure angel. I don't have anything else to say :')
ReplyDeleteMarvellous!
ReplyDelete