The Intersection of Polyamory and Consanguinamory

Relationships don't have to be A) monogamous and B) with someone who isn't closely related.

Once one of those is realized, it is easier to realize the other.

Yes, some people do better and genuinely prefer monogamy with someone who isn't a close relative. And good for them.

But human sexuality and relationships are diverse.

Once you set aside the arbitrary constraints on sexuality and relationships, you might discover things about yourself would never have considered otherwise. Once you realize that one constraints is arbitrary, pointless, or doesn't suit you, you're more likely to question other constraints.



If we were going by most popular media, most people are expected to have a series of monogamous relationships with people who aren't more closely related than being very, very distant relatives, perhaps after hookups or "playing the field," as it used to be called, in their late teens/early 20s, living together with a partner, then, usually, marrying with a pledge to be monogamous. Ethical nonmonogamy is generally presented as fringe, often in a negative light. Meanwhile, although first cousins can legally marry in about half of US states, those who do so are subject to a certain amount of prejudice. Even people who should know better think it's illegal nationwide, and in a handful of states, being with a first cousin is a criminal act.

Once someone varies from that narrow mold by trying ethical nonmonogamy or consanguinamory, and finding that it suits them, they are less likely to maintain an automatic objection to trying the other. Even bigots understand this, which is why they say "What's next...?" and have tried to hard to keep people from having interracial relationships and same-sex relationships. They want everyone to live under the constraints they have taken upon themselves and are trying to impose on their children. But more and more people are realizing they don't fit in that narrow, prejudiced mold, and are willing to explore their possibilities when it comes to relationships and sexuality.

To be sure, there are ethical nonmonogamists who want no part of, or association with, consanguinamory, even some who think it is a bad thing, and there are consanguinamorists who think the same way about ethical nonmonogamy. But overall, an honest survey would reveal that a higher percentage of nonmonogamists than monogamists have engaged in consanguineous relationships or would consider it, and a higher percentage of consanguinamorists than nonconangs have or would consider engaging in nonmonogamy.

There's the common fantasy of being with twins, or siblings, or a parent and their (adult) child. That's outright or nearly consanguinamory and inherently nonmonogamous. How many stepparents and adult stepchildren have done something like that? More than most people think.

It's very common that if cousins and/or siblings get together, other cousins and/or siblings will, too. For example, John and Mary are siblings. Mary gets together with their cousin, Fred, then later starts getting together with John. Fred's sister, Jenny, catches on and she wants in, too.

Or two sisters want the same man. You even see this with polygynous marriages and "sister wives" who are literally sisters. Gay or bi/pan male brothers sometimes want the same man, too.

Or mom and grown son get together, dad and grown daughter get together, with mom and dad's relationships not diminishing at all (quite the opposite). The son and daughter might get together, also.

Someone who is polyamorous might have an established consanguinamorous relationship but still seek an additional relationship that isn't consanguinamorous.

It is very common for someone who is in a relationship when they experience reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction to experience concurrent relationships, even if they had always been monogamous before. This can range from outright cheating, to their longer-connected partner patiently tolerating what they hope is a phase, to fully adopted polyamory. The person experiencing GSA might never have intended anything like this. As for their "original"  partner, it's very hard to compete with a GSA relationship, but who says you need to compete? Granted, if you absolutely must have monogamy, then adjusting to a polyamorous arrangement won't work. But some people don't know they can adjust to polyamory until they actually try it, and there have never been more resources to help people in that journey. (If only there were more to help people experiencing GSA!)

If any of this sounds familiar to you, realize that you're not alone. Ethical nonmonogamy, including polyamory, often intersects with consanguinamory, even if just on a temporary basis. If your feelings take you in these directions, they aren't wrong. You'll have to decide for yourself what your boundaries are and what you're willing to explore (and be sure to respect the boundaries of others!). Just as many ethical nonmonogamists have discovered they aren't strictly heterosexual through nonmonogamy, some have also found they enjoy consanguineous sex. And likewise, some consanguinamorous people have discovered that they enjoy or outright prefer nonmonogamy.

Legally speaking, there's no good reason to deny consenting adults their basic rights to their sexuality and to the affection and relationships to which they've mutually agree. Culturally, we cause unnecessary harm by trying to force everyone into a tiny, bland cookie-cutter for relationships and sex. One size definitely does NOT fit all! There's so much variety, so many possibilities, and people are diverse.

Further Reading:

Has Your Partner Experienced Consanguinamory?

Are You Considering Consanguinamory?

How Common is Consanguinamory?

Tips for Switching to Polyamory