You meet your DH [Dear Husband], date for years, are madly in love and get married. You have four beautiful, smart, and healthy children. Your marriage is still strong after 15 years.
15 Years into your marriage you somehow discover that your DH’s father (who has passed away) had an affair and a love child from a disclosure by your MIL [Mother-In-Law]. The name of the other woman strikes a chord with you but you cannot remember where from. Weeks later it is still bugging you so you go digging. Turns out this woman is listed as your birth mother on your adoption papers. She too has passed away before you ever got a chance to meet her. You match the timelines up and it turns out YOU are that love child. Surprised
WWYD??
Tell your husband that you are actually brother and sister? Would you get a divorce? Stay together? What would you tell the kids? Or would you keep the whole thing a secret and sweep it under the rug? Please explain your reasoning.
This sounds like Genetic Sexual Attraction. So what would you do, dear reader?
I’m a male and not gay, so if I was a husband who had discovered this truth about my wife (that we were half-siblings) I would tell her only if I thought it would make her happier or have no effect. I would not tell her something like this if it would upset her, seeing that she could not do anything about it. But I wouldn’t be married to a woman who is grossed out by the very idea of consanguineous sex, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want to be married to me. So most likely, I would tell her. Nobody else necessarily needs to know. Notice that the children in this hypothetical are healthy.
What if you had to live with it as an open secret? As in everyone know that you are brother and sister and decided to stay married.
The problem there would be bigotry. But I would challenge the gossips to explain exactly what the problem is. It would provide many teachable moments, showing that such marriages can be lasting and happy. The problem, in so many places, is that ridiculous laws that are still on the books and still enforced would invalidate the marriage and may even lead to prosecution, for the "crime" of loving each other.
Most respondents, by far, chose “Stay married but tell only DH the truth”.
There were a lot of comments.
Grinberga…
I would throw up..for weeks.
I understand that some people are turned off by certain things. For example, most heterosexual men do not care to think at all about male-on-male sex, and may even be grossed out by the idea. I understand that some people have that reaction when it comes to consanguineous sex. But wouldn’t the life and happiness built together mitigate that?
Amy1352…
You know, I would honestly tell my husband and then we'd probably sweep it under the rug. I don't think I would tell my kids at all.
Then I'd go into therapy.
Therapy? Why? To get over new negative feelings? Certainly not to get over having a great marriage.
MetaIMama…
I would divorce but remain friends, no reason to not have ANY relationship. I just couldn't live with the fact that I was married to my own brother.
Sad.
Skipper13…
I would keep it a secret, but I also would probably get a divorce. We can stay friends and parent the children, but I do not know that I could be comfortable being romantic with him ever again, that kind of ruins it for me.
Why? Think of it as finding out that something happened your husband when he was so young that he didn’t remember it. You find this thing to be a turn off. Would you really break up a good marriage over it?
The Stig Mommy checks back in…
DH says its way to gross and he would divorce.
That’s sad. She’d still be the same person he married.
emilysmom110405...
I actually know of a similar thing happening IRL. In this case, they were young adults (early 20s) and were not married, but were dating and the girl got pregnant. Her father passed away soon after she discovered her pregnancy. That's when all the family secrets came out. The boyfriend was either the son of her father or her father's father (could have been either as his mother was sleeping with both of them).
Interesting.
Buttercup+4…
The horse is already out of the barn. The four kids are born, and they are fine. . So there is no issue. .
I wouldn't care if I found out my husband was my fraternal twin and we were separated at birth.
There is true love.
Mommy_Pix…
After 15 yrs and four children, you have pretty much run the gamut, the only thing left is the empty nest/retirement. Why throw that away because of something you've found out AFTER all of that?
Yes.
This sort of thing has actually happened to people. If something like this has happened to you or someone you know, you might find this page helpful.
How about you, dear reader? What would YOU do?
I'm sad that some people would be so upset by it. Its like all of the love and attraction they felt for each other for all those years means nothing because they found out they're related. I am glad to see that some people would be able to adjust and go on. Of course anybody who read about me on this blog knows what my answer is. It is possible for a sister and brother to live as a couple and be happy, just like me and my brother do.
ReplyDeleteYes, the reactions of "I couldn't continue" are irrational.
ReplyDeleteYes, they are, but everyone could understand them.
DeleteI mean, incest is still a great taboo, but I am very glad when I see people choosing love over prejudice :)
Half-siblings can legally marry in Sweden.
ReplyDeleteBut only if the government approves your marriage individually. It's still pretty draconian. They also still ban other 2nd degree relationships, and all 1st degree relationships. The "half-sibling marriage" thing throws people off. In all other ways, Sweden might as well be like Germany, England, or wherever.
Delete