Monday, February 7, 2022

Does She Want More?

Anonymous asked at this blog's sister Tumblr...

hey i kind of have romantic feelings for my niece and i dont know what to do i know that she doesnt like me romanticly but we have kind of done stuff that normal family members dont do and i just dont want it to get weird between us but i just really badly want to date her even thoug i know its bad and gross (i got told by cornytyrannosaurus to ask for more advies)

Here's how I answered.

Corny gave a great answer.

The vague and potentially confusing part here is that you are certain she doesn’t like you romantically but you two have “done stuff.” If that stuff is sexual, then… if she’s willing to get sexual with you but doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you, like go on dates, then you can either continue to do sexual things together and NOT be a romantic pair…or not. Being a romantic pair isn’t something she wants (with you, right now). Take it or leave it. This is an important lesson to learn for relationships in general.

If you’re sharing affection, you’re enjoying a lot more than many others, who don’t even get to share that.

Romantic feelings for someone who can consent to date you are not inherently bad or gross. If it’s what you want, you shouldn’t allow the “yucks” of others to take away your “yum” by internalizing their prejudices.

If you have had similar feelings for people who aren’t relatives, then the good news for you is that you have many options. If you’ve only had these feelings for close relatives, that makes life a little more difficult, but you’re not alone. There are literally millions of people who are like that.

You, and anyone reading this, are welcome to write to my for private dialogue. I never share what someone tells me privately with anyone else unless they give me permission. I can be emailed at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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