Family With Benefits

This post deals strictly with sexual situations. If you don't want to read about that, skip it. [This was published during the recent pandemic, but almost all of it is still relevant.]

Friends-with-benefits is the arrangement in which friends who aren't a couple engage in sexual activity with each other, with the understanding that it's recreational, not an indication that they are going to be in (or returning to, as the case may be) a romantic relationship. They are friends, they are in each others lives as such, but there's the added "benefit" of having that fun together, whether frequently or infrequently.

While many of the people we feature on this blog are (or were) in ongoing romantic consanguinamorous relationships, some of them consanguinamorous in orientation, there are situations that are "family-with-benefits." For example, siblings who, every once in a while, shower or skinny dip together, and bring each other to orgasm while doing so, but don't treat each other as romantic partners, would fit in this category. Or a man who exchanges rubdowns with his mother that involve climaxes. You don't have to want to marry and raise children with this person or anyone at all to enjoy some affection with them.

There are still people all over the planet who are staying home more in response to COVID-19, or under quarantine, practicing social or physical distancing, or being "safer at home." If you're doing that, perhaps you've thought about the lack of physical touch or physical affection you or your family members are experiencing. How many hugs and kisses could have been exchanged before, if we weren't all so busy and in a rush? How many could be shared now, if we mutually agreed to be affectionate? Caresses, backscratches, shoulder rubs, and more aren't even necessarily sexual, but they can be beneficial for all involved. Without needing to leave the residence, dressing down or even going "textile-free" might be a new possibility.

Of, course, personal boundaries are to be respected. Discussions may help open things up. Here are some considerations. Everyone involved should be consenting to being touched or to touching. If two of more of you agree, you can try things you haven't done before with each other, or maybe anyone, whether they are silly, sensual, or sexy:

• hugs, embraces, caresses
• kisses
• backscratches, shoulder rubs, leg rubs, massages, rubdowns
• cuddling/spooning/napping or sleeping together
• watching erotic videos together
• reading or telling erotic stories to each other
• sharing confessions and fantasies
• body painting
• board games, card games (strip poker!), truth or dare, spin the bottle, sex dice
• home burlesque show
• home art class with life drawings (nude models) or sculpting
• dancing with or for each other, stripping, lap dancing
• wrestling
• skinny dipping, hottubbing, sunbathing
• showering or bathing together
• masturbating in front of each other
• various sexual acts such as manually stimulating each other, oral sex, intercourse, etc.

If you're not sure about one thing (for example manually stimulating each other) you can do something you are already comfortable with (for example, watching erotic videos together), as long the other person or persons mutually agree. As you all get comfortable, you might want to do more.

These things have always gone on in some residences, probably in one not far from you. Going textile-free is OK. Mutual affection is OK.

These activities can relieve tension and stress, can be good exercise, can be a lot of fun, can bring you closer together, and can be bonding experiences. Speaking of bonding, one of the "risks" of "friends-with-benefits" is also present in "family-with-benefits": that someone will eventually want the relationship to change to being an ongoing romance. Feelings can be especially powerful when consanguinamory is involved. Ongoing communication about desires, expectations, and boundaries is a must.

Also, don't be surprised if you find that you (or other people in the residence) want to do these things what seems like on a constant basis at first. There can be a "honeymoon" period while people get acquainted with each other in a new way. As such, it might seem like someone "can't get enough" at first.

Becoming family-with-benefits might involve some ethical nonmonogamy. One of countless examples would be that a husband and wife agree that their college-student son or daughter can join with them in a sensual massage session or a game of strip poker. Lovers who are separated for weeks might give each other a "hall pass" to "play" with someone in the residence. Ethical nonmonogamy can be adopted on an ongoing basis or just for the time everyone has to stay home. Here are some tips for switching to polyamory that might be applicable.

Maybe this all sounds very strange to you. That's understandable, but this does happen more than most people think, and it is something that can help people get through these unusual and stressful times.

As always, you can comment below, including anonymously, or contact Keith to discuss these things further or share your experiences.