The lives of women in relationships with bisexual men are the focus of new research from Deakin University, published in a book: Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women.
The 80 women interviewed were, or had been, in relationships with bisexual men. Some were monogamous, some were "open" or polyamorous, and there was a mix of marital and de-facto relationships.It's important to remember that "polyamorous" and "open" are not the same. A couple can have an open relationship and not consider themselves polyamorous. A polyamorous "V" or triangle or quad can be completely closed, meaning none of the individuals will have romantic or sexual relationships with anyone outside of the polycule.
Here are some of the upsides given for being with a bisexual man...
Bisexual men had often grappled with their own ideas of masculinity and came with less "baggage", interviewees told her. They wanted equitable relationships with their female partners, and were supportive of them exploring their own sexuality.Those things can be tendencies, but of course individuals are diverse.
Some women experienced discrimination in both the heterosexual and LGBTI worlds because their relationships were considered "wrong" to both, says Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli.That's unfortunate, and it is perplexing that some people insist bisexuality doesn't exist; that all individuals are either strictly heterosexual or strictly gay/lesbian. Why is it so hard to see it is possible for someone to be attracted to more than one gender?
Whatever your gender, do you identify as bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual? Or, are you with someone who does? Feel free to comment below or contact us via email (address provided in comment instructions.)
I think the main reason many people struggle to understand bisexuality conceptually, Keith, is because many people have experience of sexual attraction outside their usual preferences. Occasionally gay guys might think a girl good-looking, straight guys might look at other guys, straight women might think another woman is attractive, etc.
ReplyDeleteBut of course these people are still straight/gay—their experiences are occasional, dependent on the circumstances of the individuals and the situation. Consistent bisexuality appears to be another matter.
So that’s what I think is the main reason: people confuse their own experiences with that of others. They don’t realise that people who identify as bi actually experience a different ‘mental state’ (to use the philosophical parlance) than they’ve experienced.
I think you could draw a parallel between this and some of the responses that the gay movement saw. It is well-documented that many otherwise hetero men have gay experiences—in the shower room, with their friends when they were young, in prison, etc. But of course this is different from actual homosexuality.
Another point worth making is that bisexuality is rare and not well understood. Not only is there a lack of penetration of bisexuality in media (films, books, etc.)—unlike homosexuality, which is better known—but even in scientific circles it is very hard to find bisexual men, and bisexual women are quite... interesting. (To take an example, many studies have found straight-identifying women to show what seems like an erotic response to other women—something which isn’t seen with gay/straight men.)