Prejudice Against Consanguinamory Even Impacts Stepsiblings

Someone calling Ashamed Stepbrother wrote in to a column called Straight Talk about his first sexual experience, which was with his stepsister (it is implied they don’t live together.)

She's 17 and I'm 16. She seduced me and was well prepared, supplying me with a condom.

Sounds like the dream of just about every heterosexual 16-year-old boy who isn’t tightly wound up against sex... having a girl seduce him... a slighter older girl, no less.

It's the first time I had sex, but instead of feeling good about it, I feel guilty and ashamed. Even though she seduced me, it's no excuse. Though it's technically not incest since we're not related, it sure feels like it.

So the problem for him wasn’t the sex, it was that some would see this as incest, and he’s been taught that even consensual incest is wrong.

To make matters worse, she loved it and wants to make it a regular thing when we're here alone. She came across as experienced, so I'm sure this wasn't her first time. I don't know how to deal with her, or my own guilt and shame.

Nobody should have sex if they don’t want to. If he, or anyone else, does not want to have sex (again), that person should make that clear.

However, if Stepbrother’s concerns are about this being incestuous, he shouldn’t let that stop him. He should consider this situation on its own merits. Is she right for him, right now? Is this the kind of relationship he wants?

Some people would consider this sociological incest. It may even be illegal in some states, even if the age of consent is 16. But it shouldn’t be. They are close in age. Why would it be preferable they have sex with strangers or classmates who don’t really care about them instead of each other? Just because their parents married each other? So what?

Lauren responded…

We get a fair amount of mail involving attraction between stepsiblings who are still together in the home.

I am not surprised.

From these letters, I can safely warn everyone away from moving forward in these relationships.

Why?

For those who consummate their attraction, even though they know it's not incest, it often feels that way.

That’s not a reason not to have sex. It is a reason not to listen to people who say consensual sex is wrong.

If there are attractions between stepsiblings, it's best to ignore them and look elsewhere.

Why?

If attraction persists after you are out of the nest, make sure it's worth the risk. Stepsiblings do get married - it's perfectly legal - but if you divorce, the effect on the rest of the family can be devastating.

Divorce usually causes problems regardless. Often marriage itself brings problems that weren’t there before (which makes divorce the right thing in some cases). Should everybody simply avoid personal relationships entirely, for the sake of avoiding problems?