Dear Abby Gets a GSA Letter

Dear Abby recently printed a letter that likely involves Genetic Sexual Attraction. PUT OFF IN NEW JERSEY wrote...

Six months ago, my husband, "Lee," met his long-lost sister, his father's daughter from a previous marriage. Lee's father passed away when he was 6; he is now 30.

Since he and his four siblings met their half-sister, she has become obsessive over him. She calls and keeps him on the phone for hours, three or four times a week. I didn't mind at first, but it has gotten out of control, and she constantly texts him.

If Lee doesn't respond, she texts him asking if he's angry. She expresses how "in love" she is with him and how happy she is to have met him. (She doesn't say these things to the others.)

This definitely sounds like the half-sister is experiencing GSA. But is Lee?

When I recently expressed my concern, he got offended.

Hmm.

How should I cope with this? She also says unflattering things about me to him and tries to turn him against me. I know, because I heard the whole conversation.

Lee has certain obligations to this letter writer, since he made vows to her, or at least some marital agreement. He should be able to communicate with his half-sister, but there have to be some limits. Husband and wife need to negotiate about what's acceptable and what isn't.

Unfortunately for the letter writer, if Lee is also experiencing GSA, it is likely that his connection with his half-sister is going to keep going strong, at least for a while.

This is another example of why consanguinamory needs to be decriminalized and destigmatized and GSA and consanguinamory need to be studied and issues need to be addressed like any other relationship. 

I wish I could talk with this letter writer. (If you or someone you know identifies with this letter writer, her husband Lee, or his half-sister, please do feel free to contact me.) 

Some thinks I'd say to this letter writer:

1) How was your marriage with Lee before this happened?
2) Do you have children together?
3) Do you need both emotional and sexual monogamy in your marriage?
4) Lee might be experiencing something unlike anything else he's felt before. Try to have some grace for him, but don't be a doormat.

If I could talk with Lee, I'd also ask him how his marriage was before all this started. Cheating generally isn't a good way to live, and he has obligations to his wife. So, he needs to figure things out with her. His interactions with his half-sister so far are nothing like carrying out an ongoing, in-person relationship, and even if they are both strongly attracted to each other, they might not actually be compatible. Finally, I'd point out that New Jersey has no laws against half-siblings having sex, but there's still an enormous amount of hate and discrimination directed at such lovers. 

GSA and Stepping Out