She Wants to Watch

Quora can be a great place to ask and answer questions. Here's my profile there, if you want to follow or connect there.

Someone asked this question...

Our 19 year old daughter asked us to let her watch when we have sex. What is wrong with her?

Here's my extended answer...

There might not be anything wrong with her.

If you two don’t want to have sex in front of her, tell her "no." She can find other people who’ll let her watch, if she wants to.

If you both like the idea or are open to it, then consider granting her request.

Some people like watching other people have sex. A lot of people like doing it via media (such as sex videos) and there are also people who like to watch in-person. Some people like having sex in front of others. Some don't mind having sex in front of others. Others don't want to have sex in front of others.

To each their own.



What do you think has gone on through all of the years in human history, when most people lived in close quarters? People slept and had sex with other people nearby. In some places, this is still what most people do. Every couple and individual having their own enclosed room of a house with a door that closes is something that many people haven’t had.

Sex isn’t some terrible thing to do or watch, if those involved consent to be involved. It isn't a bad thing for a grown woman to see her parents loving each other this way, if she wants to. Although some people hate to think of their parents a sexual beings, not everyone is the same. Sexuality is diverse and might not always seem rational. If she was conceived by them through sex, then it even makes sense that she would want to watch them.

Provided the asker and the partner are both willing to do this, they should agree between each other what may and may not happen as far as they're concerned. Then they should sit down with their daughter to discuss what may and may not happen. They should express their boundaries, and she should express hers. This should all take place before going ahead.

For example, the couple may say watching is OK, but they will not touch her and she may not touch them, if that is a boundary they want. They may request she be clothed or unclothed. She can agree to these terms or not. Something else they may agree about is talking about it together the day after to see if they want to do it again.

There are many possible conditions that can be discussed. If the couple feels awkward or shy, they may want the start slowly, such as getting affectionate with each other while clothed, and staying above the waistline, or having the lights off or dim lighting or starting behind a curtain or under covers. It doesn't necessarily have to fully nude intercourse with the lights on. It can be, but they don't have to start our that way. There's no reason, if they all want it, they can't make it a periodic activity that gradually builds to what the daughter wants.

Especially if the daughter doesn't have much experience, this can be a great way for her to learn-by-watching how to share loving affection with a long term partner.

Two final considerations for the asker...

Even if everyone agrees this will be "just watching," it is possible they will all change their minds and agree to physical interaction.

There is the possibility that your partner and your daughter have planned together for this.