I was asked anonymously on Tumblr about the health of children from consanguineous parents, why there is a taboo about this, and what advice I have for a mother and son having a baby. My answers mostly apply to any consanguinamorous parents.
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Most children born to close relatives are healthy, though there are some increased risks, as there are when the mother is older.
This has been covered extensively here:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/06/consanguinamory-and-reproduction.html
The taboo about pregnancies between close relatives is tied to the taboo about consanguinamory. First, many people expect that everyone should feel exactly as they do and they are repulsed by the thought of sex with their close relatives; secondly, they’ve been told it’s wrong and they’ve never actually thought it through; thirdly, as much as they may try to deny it, there are some people for whom it is a matter of envy or latent feelings of their own.
This has been covered extensively here:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/11/frequently-asked-question-why-is-incest.html
My advice to a mother and son who want to have a baby, if they really want to raise a baby (which is a very big decision for anyone) is:
1) If you’re not already living where consanguinamory isn’t criminalized, consider moving to such a place. In the US, there are currently two states for parents and their adult children: Rhode Island and New Jersey:
http://thefinalmanifesto.blogspot.com/2015/01/global-map-of-incest-laws.html
2) Consult with a family law attorney. Don’t tell the attorney you have a sexual relationship. Rather, ask the family law attorney about the possibilities of both of you being legal parents to a child for the purposes of co-parenting. Ask about the possibilities when it comes to a child born of the mother (putting the son on the birth certificate immediately probably isn't allowed or advisable) and one that is adopted. If you can’t actually both be legal parents, there may be some paperwork that will create a situation where it is almost as though you are.|
3) Speaking of adoption: consider adoption. It may be that only one of you can legally adopt the child. If that’s the case, figure out who would be best to be the legal adoptive parent. While most children born to close relatives are healthy, with adoption, there may be more of a possibility to know what health issues a child has before you become their parent. But more importantly, a child conceived by both of you is considered strong evidence of consanguinamory, although in some places you can claim you used “in-home artificial insemination” to conceive the child (although laws are always changing and some criminalize that, too).
4) Get prenatal care for a high-risk pregnancy. In an ideal world, you could be completely open and honest about the child’s conception, but that might not be the case where you live due to certain mandatory reporting laws. However, the age of the mother alone is likely to make this a higher risk pregnancy.
On the flip side of this question is what can be done if someone is very late in their pregnancy, and they either don’t want to raise the child or their concerns about raising the child (self-incrimination, life situation, or general concerns about being able to parent) override their desire or willingness to raise the child. US states have various “safe surrender” or “safe haven” laws that allow the baby, if not abused, to be handed over anonymously to personnel at designated locations (such as hospitals, fire stations, etc.) Laws vary from state to state, including how long someone has to hand over the baby, so check here: http://safehaven.tv/states/ This would allow someone who has become concerned about their baby being used as evidence against them to avoid prosecution.
For more about living in a consanguinamorous relationship, check these links:
How to Pull Off Living With Your Consanguinamorous Partner(s):
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-pull-off-living-with-your.html
What To Tell The Children:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2017/06/living-consanguinamorously-what-to-tell.html
How Consanguineous Lovers Can Protect Themselves:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2013/07/how-consanguineous-lovers-can-avoid.html
*****
Most children born to close relatives are healthy, though there are some increased risks, as there are when the mother is older.
This has been covered extensively here:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/06/consanguinamory-and-reproduction.html
The taboo about pregnancies between close relatives is tied to the taboo about consanguinamory. First, many people expect that everyone should feel exactly as they do and they are repulsed by the thought of sex with their close relatives; secondly, they’ve been told it’s wrong and they’ve never actually thought it through; thirdly, as much as they may try to deny it, there are some people for whom it is a matter of envy or latent feelings of their own.
This has been covered extensively here:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/11/frequently-asked-question-why-is-incest.html
My advice to a mother and son who want to have a baby, if they really want to raise a baby (which is a very big decision for anyone) is:
1) If you’re not already living where consanguinamory isn’t criminalized, consider moving to such a place. In the US, there are currently two states for parents and their adult children: Rhode Island and New Jersey:
http://thefinalmanifesto.blogspot.com/2015/01/global-map-of-incest-laws.html
2) Consult with a family law attorney. Don’t tell the attorney you have a sexual relationship. Rather, ask the family law attorney about the possibilities of both of you being legal parents to a child for the purposes of co-parenting. Ask about the possibilities when it comes to a child born of the mother (putting the son on the birth certificate immediately probably isn't allowed or advisable) and one that is adopted. If you can’t actually both be legal parents, there may be some paperwork that will create a situation where it is almost as though you are.|
3) Speaking of adoption: consider adoption. It may be that only one of you can legally adopt the child. If that’s the case, figure out who would be best to be the legal adoptive parent. While most children born to close relatives are healthy, with adoption, there may be more of a possibility to know what health issues a child has before you become their parent. But more importantly, a child conceived by both of you is considered strong evidence of consanguinamory, although in some places you can claim you used “in-home artificial insemination” to conceive the child (although laws are always changing and some criminalize that, too).
4) Get prenatal care for a high-risk pregnancy. In an ideal world, you could be completely open and honest about the child’s conception, but that might not be the case where you live due to certain mandatory reporting laws. However, the age of the mother alone is likely to make this a higher risk pregnancy.
On the flip side of this question is what can be done if someone is very late in their pregnancy, and they either don’t want to raise the child or their concerns about raising the child (self-incrimination, life situation, or general concerns about being able to parent) override their desire or willingness to raise the child. US states have various “safe surrender” or “safe haven” laws that allow the baby, if not abused, to be handed over anonymously to personnel at designated locations (such as hospitals, fire stations, etc.) Laws vary from state to state, including how long someone has to hand over the baby, so check here: http://safehaven.tv/states/ This would allow someone who has become concerned about their baby being used as evidence against them to avoid prosecution.
For more about living in a consanguinamorous relationship, check these links:
How to Pull Off Living With Your Consanguinamorous Partner(s):
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-pull-off-living-with-your.html
What To Tell The Children:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2017/06/living-consanguinamorously-what-to-tell.html
How Consanguineous Lovers Can Protect Themselves:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2013/07/how-consanguineous-lovers-can-avoid.html
My advice is for other Brother Sister Couples. When I got really serious with my sister, I had to begin looking at a lot of these issues. Weekend Sex with my sister was incredible, but once I asked her to be my wife we had to sit and talk thru a lot of things because I knew I was more than likely going to get her pregnant at any time. We have 4 kids together. For now, if you are a brother sister couple... Insurance is a pain. Depending on were you live... register as a "Domestic Partner" Couple. Open Joint Checking Accounts and own property so that Deeds can be officiated with your names. I left my corporate job so that I could begin to consult... so here too... open your own Limited Liability Company (LLC). We do everyting together. right down to the last detail. yet the really hardest stuff... was this past year talking with my two daughters as one is getting ready to graduate High School and finally telling them both that they were created by the most intense love between siblings and that is why they don't have two sets of grandparents. Still have two more to tell as they get older. Dealing with Taxes is also a pain. I claim "Head of Household" with the IRS with Dependants. I did get Audited five years ago on things, but as I sat with the damn auditor and said... look, my sister is my common law wife and these are my kids we have had together. I flat out stated... you want me in jail or to continue to work and pay my fair share of taxes... I'm at the point, were many of us Brother and Sister Couples with Children need to band together, but be brutally honest with everything.
ReplyDeleteoh and I almost forgot. if you can afford it... get the Genetic Testing done.. this for my sister and I took a huge load of stress off our minds as we got more intimate with each other. I figure more brother and sister's would engage in committed sexual relationships if they knew a large part of the pregnancy risks were eliminated. this was the so called greenlight to move in with me. and it also was removed a lot of fear and doubts from my sister once we knew we wanted to start a family. All said and done, sex is the easy part... I had desires growing for her since she was around 16 or 17. As well, be romantic, I still love taking my sister out on a date. This was the deal closer so to speak with her. I would say, don't push things either. I had to demonstrate a ton of consistency with my sister, yet that helped her decide that even as a brother I could be her best friend as well as her boyfriend and husband. this way the love making doesn't become an "act" but more of a "Function". Look after each other's needs and always put her needs above your own. Only other tough thing we had was as she got pregnant was telling our parents... but as we did, we actually found out we had a great aunt and uncle that were like in there 70s that were in a relationship but never had any children. going to visit them was probably the best thing we ever did, because then we knew things like this have been on far more brother and sister's minds. yet I do know one thing... if and when the laws change...then there will be a line around the block for now though, just do a "commitment" ceremony with family and those friends that support you.
ReplyDeleteThat was really inspiring to read and gives me some hope for the future. I'm so glad for you and your sister things have worked out and am grateful for you sharing your story. It will inspire thousands :) wish you a happy future
ReplyDeleteAlso I wanted to ask if you had to move to another country or did you stay in a country where it was illegal but still managed to achieve all of this?
ReplyDeletelegalize consanguinamory worldwide!
ReplyDeleteI was married and have a young daughter with my ex wife.Mom and I think of my daughter(her granddaughter) as the daughter that society would not allow us to have.We are still young at 24 and 44.We have been together almost 10 months.We make love like bunny rabbits.If we lived in a different world.She would have already been pregnant for certain.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thanks for your comments. Congratulations on your love. If you haven’t done so already, please do email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com
DeleteAgain as I said it is only society that stops us.Which is a shame that two consenting adults in an incest relationship cannot have full equality.we have the love and sex.Yet no marriage and a child.
ReplyDeleteYet,it is still a wonderful life.Heaven on earth!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. The fear of having kids with issues is what keeps many people from considering having a baby with a family member. So many people use it as an excuse to justify keeping incest illegal. I am in a happy relationship with my brother and we have a perfectly healthy daughter. We do plan to tell her everything when she is old enough, and she will know that incest relationships can be happy and loving, not harmful and abusive like so many people seem to think. I hope that other incest couples read this post as they consider whether or not to have children. It is a big decision, but maybe this will make that decision just a bit easier for them.
ReplyDeleteLiz Smith
blond_one89@tutamail.com