Another Relationship Should Not Preclude Your Relationship

(I'm bumping this up because this happens more than people think.) Advice columnists obviously do not print all of the letters they get. Every once in a while, a major column will feature a letter of relevance to this blog. They probably get many they do not print. I was thinking about that recently when I was talking with someone about his past consanguinamorous relationship with his mother, and how he had corresponded with a well-known sex columnist. I'd wager they get a lot of questions about relationships that are still illegal or other discriminated against in many places. But today, we're dealing with a general advice column.

Here's a letter of interest to Dear Abby from DESERVES TO BE HAPPY IN FLORIDA...

My son and his wife, "Carole," have been married for two years. I was recently introduced to her father, "Ted," who has been alone for 13 years. Carole told me later in no uncertain terms that I cannot have a romantic relationship with her father. Then she repeated the same thing to him.

Unless Carole has legal guardianship over her father, she has no legal, social, or ethical standing to impose compliance with such a demand.

Do you think it's right for adult children to dictate to their parents who they can and cannot see? Ted and I are perplexed. We really like each other and would like to see where this relationship could go. We laugh easily together, cook in the kitchen well together, can talk for hours and generally are very compatible. We have both discussed our pasts and have been honest with each other. 

What kind of relationship Deserves is going to have with Ted should be entirely up to the two of them. Nobody else should get a say, and nobody else's relationship should interfere. In a word where in-laws can clash with each other, wouldn't be nice if more could get along so well?

Carole's objection could be to any potential lover for her father (which might be why he has been single for as long as he ha). It could be an objection to Deserves specifically. Or, it could be an objection to the idea of her father being with her mother-in-law. Whatever the case, Ted and Deserves have to decide if they are going to let Carole run their love lives.


I do not see anything wrong with making your daughter-in-law your stepdaughter, just like I don't see anything wrong with someone making their stepmother their mother-in-law.