Debunking Common Myths About Polyamory

The profile of polyamory is rising, which is generally a good thing, but it does mean more people are going to have questions and some myths are more likely to be spread. Allegra addressed some "Common Myths About Polyamory" at the feroniaproject.org. These myths include "It's all about the sex" and...

Everyone who’s poly is kinky. Definitely not. There can often be a lot of crossover between people who are into different kinks and the poly community, and since a number of people who are ‘publicly’ kinky are often also poly, it can start to look that way. But there are a lot of poly people who are very happy with ‘vanilla’ sex, they just don’t want to limit that to one monogamous relationship.

Yes, there are poly people whose sex lives are quite vanilla and "ordinary," the only difference being that one evening might be spent with one person and another evening with the other person. It's one-on-one sex each time, and quite vanilla. But yes, for others, there is much overlap with, for example, BDSM circles, or there are evenings with threesomes or moresomes.

‘Anything with a pulse.’ Sometimes this gets tied into #1 – there’s an idea that people who are polyamorous are indiscriminate, and will sleep with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Poly people and non-poly people both experience desire for a variety of folks, it’s just that in a polyamorous relationship, there are a number of ways in which it’s possible to act on that desire. However, that doesn’t mean that poly people are dealing with a bottomless pool of need or want.

Bisexuals and pansexuals get this all of the time, too. Some bisexuals and pansexuals are monogamous and have very high/narrow standards, but some ignorant people think they'll have sex with anyone. Same goes for poly people, whatever their orientation. Click through to get the response to "It's just a nicer way for people to be able to cheat on their partner" and "Polyamorous relationships are all short-term / they just don't work," as well as some good sources of information. One myth not addressed is the idea that polyamory is tied to any specific religion, faith tradition, or spiritual philosophy. It just isn't so. As with monogamists, you will find polyamorists who are Atheists, Agnostics, Freethinkers, Secular Humanists, Deists, Theists of all sorts, Wiccans, Buddhists, Pantheists, Satanists, on and on and on it goes. We are your neighbors, your coworkers, and in your temples, synagogues, and churches. Poly people should not have to hide, whether they are filling out paperwork at the office or for their schoolchildren, whether they are going out for a night on the town or attending a child's dance recital. They should be free to marry, free to form whatever civil unions or domestic partnerships are available to others, and free to live together without a registered relationship.