...if there is gender equality under the law. At lovetimesthree.com, Joe addressed the anti-equality arguments that the polygamous freedom to marry causes inequality for women and hurts boys.
Several of the “lost boys” (a term they very much dislike) I have worked with in the past said they left Colorado City because they did not want the strict religious restrictions and responsibilities, not because they were coerced. Some were told to leave if they would not live by the families rules. When we did the 20/20 interview with ABC, the producer and I talked about the “Lost Boy” perception. He said he had a lot of pressure to do a story on it and tried to, but he could never get credible evidence to justify a story that those young men were forced out systematically. That some boys were abandoned by their families for disobedience is true; but not enough evidence exists for a blanket statement of every young man that left the community was so older men could have more wives.As he notes, a blanket statement can't be made. Some boys are abandoned by their family. Some leave.
The boys that worked for me were employed outside of the community and decided they did not want to adhere to the strict religious mores required of them. Also they did not want to turn their money over to their Fathers, and that is why they left.
If popular culture, television and movies are correct, (ie. He’s Just Not That Into You) finding men that want the commitment of marriage is much harder than finding men who want multiple sexual partners. I don’t think the polygamy detractors need to worry about running out of women because the problem is finding men willing to take on the commitment. In Love Times Three we talk about our own experience in our families where overwhelmingly it is women who more often choose this lifestyle.
What gets missed is that polygyny, at least according to our beliefs, was never intended for the entire population, nor has it been practiced by the entire population historically. I don’t recommend it unless all parties feel inspired, are making a conscious choice, and have a deep abiding connection with all those involved. But to limit my wives or any other intelligent woman the choice based upon such rationale of inequality is silly.
I've addressed the lies about polygamy before. With gender equality and the full freedom to polygamy (not just polygyny,) there's no problem. A woman should be free to not marry, to divorce if married, and to marry the mutually agreeing adult or adults of her choosing... even if that adult is already married.
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