Friday, December 3, 2010

Not All Nonmonogamy is Polyamory

Lacey Mason of the Daily Nebraskan considers polyamory. Not for her, but in general.

My friend announced this weekend that she and her husband are now in an open relationship. Also known as polyamory (having multiple romantic partners), the relationship was met with some controversy.

"Open" and "polyamorous" are not the same thing. There are polycules that are closed. There are also people who consider themselves monogamous in that they only love each other and live with each other, but are open to having someone join them for sex, not a social relationship.

She felt that sexually exclusive relationships could work for some but were a fight against nature.

For some people, they are.

I cringe at the thought of unprotected people sleeping with people who are sleeping with other people who are also unprotected. If just one has an STI, everyone has an STI.

That's the way it works in serial monogamy, too.

Polyamory also isn't for the insecure or codependent. An open relationship only works when both partners are in it together. There needs to be the utmost transparency, open communication, trust and, above all, respect. The partners in a committed relationship still need to put each other first, and if one partner decides they are no longer interested in the arrangement, it needs to end for both.

I'm in total agreement.

So, is polyamory right or wrong? There's no steadfast answer. If you aren't into it, it's probably not right. But when two consenting adults are, it's probably not wrong.

That's a good way of looking at it. Let consenting adults choose for themselves. Let people marry, or not, the person or persons they want to marry.
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