It is helpful for a person to know what they want as far as living arrangements, dates, visits, sexual boundaries, contraception, protection, expectations, and so forth - and to discuss that with each person involved in each aspect. That will usually take some exploration and discovery.
An example of what I’m talking about is found here in Felicty’s “Polyamory My Way (First Draft)”
1. Every partner gets an equal voice. There are no partners that are “more special” than other partners. Period.
Other people have primaries, secondaries, and so forth, and are happy being the secondary for someone else.
2. No lies. This also means tell the whole truth, don’t just drip-feed as much “truth” as you think the other person can “handle”.
This is usually a must in poly situations. It avoids a lot of trouble.
Read the rest of her points. Most can be applied to monogamy and to other kinds of relationships, such as nonsexual friends, business partners, etc.
Whatever guidelines you find helpful, nobody else should be able to tell you what you can and can’t do. If you want marriage, you should be able to have it.
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